June 23, 2017

How to Relax with Yourself


We tend to turn away from the uncomfortable, from pain, from darkness. Even the heroes in fairy tales are the ones who fight darkness and win, defeating it forever, saving the people from it.

But all darkness on the outside stems from darkness inside. Slaying the monster outside will not give us the control we crave.

When we feel uncomfortable emotions like anxiety, anger or sadness that threaten to take over us, we fight back. That's what we do when we feel threatened, we fight back. We stiffen, tighten, harden and do everything to keep our control, to not let these feelings win.

We want to control who we are on the outside--our behavior--by slaying what we have inside. By trying to hide it, repress it, push it away.

It's a battle inside of us. We fight, because we feel like if we don't, these feelings will take over us and we will lose control of ourselves.

Even if we seem okay on the outside, there can be a battle raging inside of us. A battle that will never end. Because we will always have feelings. The will start over and over again; whenever our feelings come in, we will be up in arms. It's like fighting every wave of the ocean. If we continue being afraid of our feelings, wanting to defeat them, the battle inside of us will continue as well.

The strongest power we can ever have is accepting what is in us. By allowing it to be, almost with pride.

Whatever we fight, we strengthen. If we attack a dragon, it will fight back. But if we relax with it, allow it to be, it will relax with us.

Our feelings will not take over us or make us lose control. They mirror us. What is inside will be outside. If we relax with it all, if we accept whatever's in there, the outside will follow.

We have to have peace inside to have peace outside. Not fake peace like the fake smiles we force on our faces, but real peace. We can't achieve that by fighting.

There are two ways to smile. One is to hide what's inside, and the other is a peace offering to ourselves. We can choose which way to smile.

There is no greater power than accepting what is. Not judging, just accepting. Nothing is as bad as we think. If we manage to let fear go, no experience will ever be as bad as we thought.

A guided meditation on the topic can be listened to here.

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” - C.G. Jung

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