October 13, 2017

How to Be the Best You Instead of Wanting to Be Someone Else

Often, we might want to be different people. We look at others and wish we could be like them. We might even try our best to copy them.

Being inspired by others is great. It helps us see that our problems are solvable. That we can do all the things we thought we couldn't. That if others can do it, we can do it too. And that's an amazing and wonderful thing.

But one problem might arise in the process. And that is when we want to leave ourselves behind to become someone else.

We can't just adopt the feelings and attitudes of another, because they are made up of different parts than us. Some people tend to be anxious, others never experience anxiety, but carry a strange sense of emptiness.

It's individual, highly personal how a person can get from one point to the next. It doesn't make anyone lesser. It just makes us different. But different is okay.

Everyone can be strong. For one person, that means facing a fear and going forward despite of it. For another, it means not letting anger take over their actions. For the third, it means not caring about the opinions of others. They are all strong people, neither weaker than the other. Just how we get there is different.

I'm going to be honest with you, I've had my own periods when I wanted to be someone else. I didn't want my feelings, I wanted someone else's feelings. I didn't want to be anxious all the time and awkward, I wanted to be calm and fun. But that's not how it works, is it?

For a long time, I resisted my feelings. I resisted having a mental illness. I didn't want to be mentally ill, I wanted to be someone else. Even through my recovery process, this goal kept floating in front of me--the goal that one day I will be totally free of anxiety. But we can't leave our brains behind either. And even though I'm much better now, traces of anxiety will always remain.

And that's okay. The funny thing is that when I accepted that it will never disappear completely, that was when it improved drastically. Because anxiety feeds on resistance. But I didn't want to be a person without a mental illness anymore--because I could be the most badass person with a mental illness. 

I could work with my feelings instead of working against them. When I was afraid of something, I could go do that thing with shaking hands, but my head held high. Because, yes, the most everyday things were hard for me, but that just meant that I was so much more powerful than all the "normal" people--I was fighting a battle in the situations where they were bored out of their minds. And I liked that I could be that person--a warrior in training.

Other people have other things to work with, and I have mine. Finally, I accepted what I have. And it made all the difference.

So allow yourself to accept every part of you. Knowing that understanding and working with these parts is what will make you the best, greatest version of you. The person only you can be, no one else.

A guided meditation on the topic can be listened to here.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” - Oscar Wilde


  1. Such a refreshingly honest statement...and a beautiful truth because of that honesty...thank you!

  2. I've spent a very long time trying to adopt the habits and personalities of others, usually without success, from childhood to adulthood. In the past year or so, I finally decided I can be myself and improve the person I already am. I've returned to this post/meditation a few times since you published it, and it really helps reinforce this idea.

    I can't tell you how much I appreciate basically every one of your meditations and blog posts. They're always insightful and beautifully written/spoken, and I see myself in many of your struggles with mental health. I'm so grateful for your willingness to open yourself up for others to take inspiration from.

  3. Hi there

    I've noticed you've taken a lot of your meditations off Youtube. Is there somewhere else I can access them? They've kept me centered, positive and sane for the better part of two years and I'm a bit lost without them.

    Thanks for the beautiful, worthwhile work you do.